I puked a lego.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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