i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
