I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
