I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
how does that bad decision feel?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
