either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is it penis luge time yet?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
