Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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