so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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