It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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