I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
