so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
