Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hell yes lets make some ravioli
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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