Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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