Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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