Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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