I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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