I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
