I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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