apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
