My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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