if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
