I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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