you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
