I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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