is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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