Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
