I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
