We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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