is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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