I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
