I only kidnapped one of them. chill
where am i from again
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
