i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
