Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
