By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Randomize
