I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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