the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
