If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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