she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
