I think my vagina is haunted
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
