all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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