I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
