I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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