Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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