i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
