Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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