I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
