at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
