Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I want her autograph on my taint
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
