I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
