loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
