nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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