Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
